I Hate You Because I Love you
by hieiandkuramalover
Summary: WARNING KOUGAXINUYASHA! Basically Kouga muses on his feelings for Inuyasha and viceversa. COMPLETE
1. My Mutt

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

Hiya folks. First warning I want to make is that this is a KougaxInuyasha fic so if ya don't like it please leave this minute!! 

For those of you who don't mind this pairing, please enjoy. Basically, it's Kouga musing about Inuyasha and eventually realizing he is in love with him.

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My Mutt

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My mutt. That half-demon with white hair and yellow eyes. The one who keeps trying to drive Kagome away from me. I despise that worthless half-breed. He thinks he so tough when I know I could womp him with one paw tied behind my back. I could easily rid myself of that little pest, and then have no one else to challenge me for Kagome.

And yet....

I don't put that little mongrel out of his misery. I don't take his life even when I know it would be all too easy. Instead I choose to just fight him and sometimes even let him win. Why do I do that? Why do I allow myself to be beaten by that no good hanyou?

As I walk through my packs domain, on this clear night I feel his presence. I look up in the moonlight only to see his image haunting my memory.

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU MUTT! GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!", I scream angrily, trying to slice an illusion with my claws. Do you know the power you have over my Inuyasha? Do you know the power you have over my mind, how you haunt my thoughts at night? I think you do know. Do you laugh at me? do you take pleasure in knowing that you're the dominant dog? Do I amuse you, you filthy little half-breed.

I look back on all the times we've ever fought each other. You always telling me to scram and let you handle things, almost as though you were looking out for me. I recall how I would always say that Kagome was mine and I would never let you have her. But really, was I starting all those fights because I wanted Kagome, or because I wanted you.

Now I look back on the first time I saw you. After realizing that you had slaughtered my pack I wanted revenge. I thought that with those two Shikon Jewel shards at my disposal it would be an easy victory for me. But you proved me wrong dog-face. You proved more than a match for me, maybe even, dare I say stronger?

As I walk down this beaten path on the mountain side, I come across an old battlefield. Your blood's scent still lingers on the grass and the trees in this area mutt. I can still feel your presence here. I relive the battle in my mind, you constantly protecting Kagome and me trying to stop Naraku's thugs myself. I kept putting you down then, kept trying to fight you. Looking back on it, I realize how arrogant I was being, thinking I could take on Kagaromaru and Jeromaru all by myself. I remembered when Kagaromaru went right through you. I panicked. For the first time in my life I truly panicked. The scent of your blood being poured out on the grass, the scent of your fear at being ripped apart by that arrogant little bastard. After that I started fighting even harder. You thought it was because I wanted to protect Kagome, but in all honesty....

I wanted to protect YOU. I wanted to make sure that wormy jerk didn't hurt YOU anymore than he already had. I didn't want YOU to feel afraid. I wanted you to know that I would protect you, from anything whether it was Naraku's hordes or the heartbreak that this world often gives a person with its coldness.

Then I remember seeing you once by the river. It looked as though you were trying to drown yourself, splashing yourself over and over again with water.

"Damn, I can't get the scent of their blood off of me," I heard you say mournfully. You were sad, sad about someone you'd killed. Someone you hadn't meant to kill. I thought it was pitiful for you to be whining like some mongrel in the street. But then I saw your face and how sad you looked. You were truly upset because of what you'd done. I will swear even to this day that I saw tears in your eyes, even though the water you had splashed on your face hid them well. I could smell them, tears have a very distinct scent, and I could smell tears and blood all over you.

At that moment, my feelings for you changed mutt. I got a glimpse past the tough talk, fearless attitude, and fierce fighting style into the side of you that was truly afraid and shivering in fear. I almost walked out to you, to put my arms around you and assure you it was okay. But then Kagome arrived and did that for me. Do you know how close I came to crying that time mutt? How the scent of tears was now coming from me when I saw you in someone else's arms? 

But being the tough, surviving demon I am, I quickly dismissed these feelings and decided that it must have been because I saw Kagome showing care towards you and not me that made me so upset. But it was the other way around mutt, I was upset because you hugged her back, because YOU were showing affection to someone else. After that, I spent a lot of sleepless nights in my pack's den thinking about you. I couldn't get you out of my mind. You haunted my every memory, my every thought, my every waking moment.

So are you happy mutt? Are you happy that you have this power over me? Do you laugh about the hold you have on my mind, and maybe even my heart? That's right mutt, through all m insults, all the names I call you, through all the fight picking. I don't want to admit it, feeling something like this only proves to the world that you have a weakness that can be used against you. I would hate myself if harm came to you simply because someone else was trying to get back at me. I could never forgive myself if I caused any pain to befall you. 

Basically mutt, through everything I ever say or do to you. Through all the ways I try to fight you, and even kill you, the truth finally meets my eyes. The reality of my heart is finally freed, and the hard truth rings through the air as my soul concedes to these feelings inside of me. 

I hate you, and I fight you........because I love you. All the time I pick a fight with you is just for the chance to touch you. Even though it's with a fist, or my claws, it's the one time I can actually touch you and not let down this cold barrier. I would love nothing more than to be able to touch you and know these dark feelings within me are returned. To embrace you and have you return the embrace. I would love nothing more than for you to be mine, for this dream to become reality, to hear you say you love me back.

And even if you don't return my feelings, even if you never do, even if you hate me till the end of both our days I will always hold you in this regard.

That you will always be, my mutt.

Suddenly, my ears perk up as I hear the rustling of the grass nearby. I quickly sniff at the air, the scent feeling familiar, the scent of the person I long desperately for.

"Didn't know you ever left your territory," a white-haired half demon says smartly.

"This is IN my territory mutt, I have every right ta be here as you do," I respond, arrogantly crossing my arms over my chest. Then I stare at you Inuyasha, the way the full moon shines on your hair, making you look like an angel. The way you golden eyes sparkle like stars in the midnight sky. I wish the eyes weren't filled with disgust and hate when they look at me.

I wish you would look at me with those eyes holding love in them, I wish you would call yourself, my mutt.

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There you go!! I know it was really short but I'm a little bit tired and didn't have the finger power to write a lot of stuff. If you enjoyed it please review and I might put up Inuyasha's POV as the next chapter. ^_~


	2. Wolf Boy

mom mom Disclaimer: I dun own Inuyasha so NYAH!!!

WELL HERE WE HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER!!! This by the way is what Inuyasha was thinking before he met Kouga in the woods. This is Inuyasha's POV okay. **THIS IS STILL KOUGAXINUYASHA SO IF YA DON'T LIKE YA DON'T READ!!! ** OH! I wanna respond to a few reviews:

Usagi Yokai: I'm glad you apparently enjoyed it (your the only one so far). Well this chapter is Inuyasha's POV so you should be happy! ^_^

Pixie Dust99: No I am 100% STRAIGHT!! And I do believe I said quite clearly IN THE SUMMARY that this was a KOUGAXINUYASHA fic. Not to sound rude or sarcastic but it's just common sense not to read ahead when you're giving a clear and concise warning that it may be something you don't like. But I am grateful that you at least took the time out of your own day to flame me. ^_^;

Kitsune-Miako: I will have it known that I hold nothing but respect for Inuyasha and Kouga-kun!! I happen to like this pairing because hate often descends into love and I find that very romantic!! As I said to Pixie Dust up there, thanks for taking the time to flame me, even though it was a flame it shows you cared enough at least to say something. ^_^

Queen of All Chipmunks: WELL YA KNOW WHAT!! IF YA THOUGHT THAT PAIRING IS DISGUSTING YA SHOULDN'T HAVE READ THE STUPID FIC!! But, as I tell all my flamers, thanks for at least taking the time to say something at least. ^^;

mrsbinx1013: FINALLY SOMEONE APPRECIATES IT!! *waterfall tears* You and Usagi are great, thanks for the support through all the homophobic people's shit. Thankies so much!! ^_^

Cabitshivers: I'm glad you liked it. I don't suspect many people DO really like this pairing but I think it's kinda cute. *blushes* Thanks again. You're review was really appreciated. Some folks *coughcough* are a little closed minded, but thanks for not being one of 'em. ^_^

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I would like to dedicate this fic to Usagi Yokai for giving me the inspiration for this fic. I own you one Bugs. ^_^

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My Wolf-Boy

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The moon is bright tonight. Practically the only real light against the velvet black sky. It always seems like the moon is the inspiration for some many things. War, song, stories, and most of all romance.

And yet here I sit under the moon's light alone. Totally alone. Well, there is Kagome asleep on the other side of the fire, Miroku sleeping against the tree beside me, Sango resting on his shoulder and Shippo curled up next to Kagome. But I still feel alone. There's someone I wish was here, someone I want beside me that is not here.

Wolf-boy. Do you know about my feelings? Do you laugh at them, do I make you laugh you miserable wolf? Do I amuse you? Slowly, I get up from my spot in our little circle and begin to walk away. I need some time to think, to clear my head of all the thoughts and feelings running through it without restraint. I need to feel the ground beneath my feet, to smell the night air closing in around me.

Somehow my mind wanders to you Kouga. I look up into the night sky, it somehow reminds me of you. The darkness of the night sky reminding me of your long black hair tied up elegantly in a way that would make anyone else look like a total wuss. But not you wolf-boy. It somehow makes you look powerful, strong, and fierce. I don't know how you do it, but you mesmerize me with the way you seem to defy everything I've come to expect from my enemies.

Walking down this path, a light breeze rustling my hair I recall all the fights between us, the exchanged insults, the fighting over who Kagome went with. Thinking about it now, why did I always want to fight with _you_? I always got such a thrill throwing insults at _you_, but why? Why did fighting with _you_ seem to have such a rewarding feeling in it? Was it because you could always cut me to the quick with your wit? Or was it something else?

My mind wanders to the first time I saw you, after having just beaten your pack after they had had their fill of blood from that village. You were so confident of your abilities, and I have to admit that you were a more than worthy opponent. But I still beat the snot out of you, and I felt proud and yet you looked at me so crossly and I felt hurt. Your gaze stung me and I actually felt pain in my heart. Why did it hurt? Why did I care?

Everything went downhill from there. I couldn't stop thinking about that hating gaze, those venomous words, and how much they stung. I started training even harder with the Tetsaiga, so I could fight you again. So you would eat your words. I let the others think that I wanted to kill you. But what I really wanted was just to see you again. You must have put a spell on me wolf-boy, I was entranced by you. 

The second time we met, and fought, was when we came across Jeromaru and Kagaromaru. I kept telling you to stay out of the way, let me handle it I said. I could tell these guys were strong and I didn't want you fighting them. I didn't want them even touching you wolf-boy. That was **_my_** department. **_I_** was the one who was gonna fight you. **_I_** was the one who would put you in your final grave. 

Then when Kagaromaru practically went right through my gut I saw fear in your eyes, panic. I dared for a moment to think that you might've been worried about me. That you were scared I was gonna die. For a brief moment I believed that you might've cared for me. That you might've actually wanted me alive. Then I saw that Kagaromaru was lingering precariously close to Kagome, and realized that THAT had been what had scared you. Not the fact that he'd gone through me like a knife through butter but that he might do the same to Kagome. I felt pain like I'd never experienced before as you fought off Kagaromaru, defending Kagome instead of me.

I fought on harder after that, using this newly arrived anger to fuel my attacks. They say that hate keeps a man alive, well at that moment wolf-boy I hated you. I hated you for not caring about me. For caring more about Kagome than you did for me. I hated you, and why? Because you hated me. I hated you for hating me.

It sounded like something out of those stupid romance books Kagome always has her nose in, or one of those TV shows she sometimes forced me to watch when I go to her time period. I absolutely hate you Kouga. I hate you for filing my mind, I hate you for constantly intoxicating me with your scent. 

I loathe you wolf-boy.

I come to a flowing river now, the moon glistening on it's still waters. I've been to this river before, I came here once to try and wash out the scent of blood from my clothes when I had killed an entire village after turning fully demon. I kept splashing water on myself, trying to cover the tears in my eyes. But tears have a very distinct scent to them. Nor could I wash away the sent of all those people's blood. I hated myself so badly that day, I wanted to die, so that I couldn't kill anyone else. So that I wouldn't kill Shippo, Miroku, Sango, or Kagome. And, for some reason, not you either wolf-boy.

I remember sniffing your scent in the air. I remember wondering if you were laughing at how weak I was behaving. I wondered if you would come out of hiding and tell me I was acting like a little puppy. I wondered what you would do because I couldn't predict you. You never were predictable wolf-boy. So I sat there and waited for you to make the first move, my eyes cast down to the ground. Then all of a sudden I felt someone wrap their arms around me. Thinking it was you, I hugged back only to find that the scent didn't belong to you but to Kagome. I started searching for your scent but by then you had disappeared from range. I couldn't pick up your scent anywhere.

Why do I harbor these foolish emotions? Why do I bother with you wolf boy? It doesn't make any sense to me. Why do these feelings weigh so heavily on my mind? Why do I even care about them? The old Inuyasha would have waved them off as something in the air, or something bad I'd eaten. But why doesn't THIS Inuyasha wave these feelings off? Is it because I don't WANT to wave them off? Because I WANT to have them? To have some small hope to cling to, to draw on when I need strength. Probably, but perhaps I have another reason that even I am not fully able to recognize.

As I walk further I find that nature may be trying on purpose to make me think about you. The whisper in the trees reminding me of your voice. The black night sky reminding me of your raven hair. The pale moonlight reminding me of your blemished skin. Why does this world seek to torment me so? And why does your image fill my mind? Why do I harbor these emotions directed at you that you will never even understand let alone return? Why can't I show those emotions? Why? 

I can't take it anymore. I fall to my knees and begin to cry. I know I'm not usually so emotional, but when the pain is this great I can't stop myself. I hate you Kouga. Do you even know how much I wish you would just die? Just to keel over for making me feel this way, for bringing all this pain with you. But finally, the answer comes to me. I understand why I hate you so much wolf-boy. 

I hate you....because I am in love with you. I hate you for making me fall in love with you. Why you of all people? Why did it have to be you? The very person I hate with every fiber of my being. The person I fought with over Kagome is actually the one my feelings are truly directed at. My desire to hit you is just my way of fulfilling the desire to touch you. Fighting you is just fulfilling my desire to be with you, to speak to you, to feel your presence among mine. It's the only way for me to be able to be intoxicated by your scent and not let my guard down.

Speaking of your scent, I smell you close by, somewhere in the brush. I run to your location, following the scent that sends my senses haywire every time I smell it. Finally I come to an old clearing that I recognize. It is the very place where we fought Kagaromaru and Jeromaru. The day I first started having these bizarre emotions. I try to get to you, trying to be as quiet as I can but the damned bushes and shrubs prevent me a quiet approach. 

Then I see you standing there, the moonlight shining of you velvet black hair. Youe skin glowing a silver color in the light of both the moon and stars. Do you know how beautiful it makes you look? Do you know how much it tortures me to know that I can only admire your beauty from afar? I bet you do. I bet you love the hold you have on me wolf-boy. I'll bet you laugh every time you even think about it.

"I didn't know you ever left your territory," I say nastily, stepping out from beyond the bush and into the clearing where we had fought side-by-side. You cross your arms over you chest and look at me smugly.

"This is IN my territory mutt, I've got every right to be here as you do," you reply just as venomously. I glare at you. You don't even see the tear stains on my face. You don't even care that you caused me to cry like a lost child. I hate you Kouga, I hate you for making me love you. And yet, that is the truth. That is the plain and simple truth.

I hate you because I love you, wolf-boy.

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Well I know Inuyasha was REALLY OOC but I couldn't help myself. I love sappy stuff A LOT!! And once more, if you read this and you don't like KougaxInuyasha I don't wanna hear a single word out of you!! I stated in the first chapter, I stated in the summary, and I stated in this chapter that this was KougaxInuyasha and you shouldn't have read if you didn't like it!! THERE'S A LITTLE ORGAN IN YOUR HEAD CALLED A BRAIN MIGHT WANNA USE IT!!!


	3. Affirmations

Disclaimer: I dun own Inuyasha.

Welcome to what is probably gonna be the final chapter of I Hate You Because I Love You. This chapter is the really romantic one so if ya don't like sappiness you may want to leave. **AND THIS IS STILL INUYASHAXKOUGA!!!** Just wanted to make that perfectly clear incase there was any misunderstanding. ^_^ But right now it's respond to reviewers time!!

Usagi Yokai: Glad you liked the sappiness. ^_^ Yes this fic was written for my little rabbit friend. Hey, what can I say, inspiration comes in all forms. 

Fiery Love: I'm glad you liked it too. I apologize for making the characters seem OOC. I'm not to good at keeping them IC (in character). Thanks for the compliment on the writing style too. ^_^ Hope this chapter keeps up with the standard.

female-Inuyasha: *blushes* Well, here's the update. Hope it's good. ^_^

Queen of All Chipmunks: Don't get me wrong, I mean I'm Christian too. In fact I pray every time I write a shonen-ai fic. And you shouldn't excuse yourself for stating an opinion ya know. ^_^ I didn't mean to sound rude before (blame the well-water, it tastes funny) and if I was being rude, I sincerely apologize and hope you'll forgive my snippiness. But just out of curiosity, if you didn't like the first chapter, why'd you come back in the second one? Just curious.

Raven "Neko" Moonshadow: I'm glad you liked it. I'm sorry you don't see Kouga in a lot of fics, and I hope I helped with it. ^_^ This is probably the most romantic chapter (though sad to say I'm still not sure what exactly will go down -_-). 

SICK!: I already have a life thanks. It's writing things that just pop into my head at random and this happened to be one of them. ^_^ If you think it's disgusting than maybe you should have stayed away in the first place. I realize shonen-ai is against God and pray you all forgive me if it goes against your beliefs. I have no intention of attacking the bible by writing this since, well I AM a Christian. As to what kind of sick demented person I am, I am a person who loves Kurama, ice-cream (CHOCOLATE ALL THE WAY), mint, and shoenen-ai. Yep that's me. ^_~

sleep walking chicken and HAP: *tilts head* Cool name. Thanks for the compliment. I know in the original series neither character is that emotional but I'm a sap for this romantic kinda thing. And must say I enjoy writing it too. ^_^

White Tiger: I'm in medium health, straight, and happen to like the pairing. ^_^ I know about shrinks, but, do you know how much they charge!! $120 an hour and sorry but I ain't got that kinda money or I'd have been going years ago. But if you know anyone who's really cheap yet skilled......we'll talk. Sorry you got sick, *hands her some soda* Dad told me that pop helps calm a sick stomach. ^_^

mrsbinx1013: As to flames, I mostly just wave them off and don't really take it to heart but I at least listen to their opinion. And I will keep writing cause nothing's stopped me before. Not so long as there's people who say nice things like you. ^_^

Rejected Angel: I like Inu/Kag too. But Inu/Kouga is my favorite yaoi pairing from Inuyasha while Inu/Kagome ins my favorite hentai one. ^_^ I'm glad you enjoyed it. Glad I didn't disappoint ya.

Cabbitshivers: Coolies. Sad to say this is the last chapter, unless I decide to do a sequel and that ain't looking to bright. Actually, the trick is bending all the poor characters to your will. ^_^ 

Inugirl: I know a good cure for depression! Eat lotsa chocolate!!! It's a comfort food you know. ^_^

Cherrii: Glad I could make you so happy. ^_^ Why would no one write this pairing? I think it's sweet!!

Warning: yaoi, sappiness, musing.

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Affirmations

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(Kouga's POV)

Why don't you return the comment mutt? You usually don't shut up and here you are at a loss for words. You take a step toward me, as though to start an argument but out of nowhere you just turn away from me. In the moment when your face comes into the light, I see your face is tear-stained. Have you been crying mutt? And if so, what made you cry? The way I know you, you almost never show emotions and yet I can't help but wonder.

"Somethin' that matter mutt?", I ask, genuinely curious.

"Nothing you'd understand," you reply harshly, turning fully around as though to walk away.

"You're right mutt," I reply smugly, turning my back on you. "I probably wouldn't understand a mongrels problems."

Then I hear you start to sniffle. You crying Inuyasha? Did what I said truly sting you? Well good, it's no less than what I want you to feel, for making me feel this way. If not for you, I'd still be chasing Kagome. But no, because a you I'm stuck on the one person who hates me almost as much as I hate him.

I love a person who will never love me back. I hate this kind of emotion. I hate knowing that I harbor this mass of emotions for someone who'll never return them. I want to tell you, to pour out my soul. But I don't, cause I know you'll either laugh your little black heart out or you'll attack me. And would I fight back? Or would I accept my death as a way of breaking away from you and this stupid obsession. 

(Inuyasha's POV)

You insensitive bastard!! How can you be like this every time I so much as lay eyes on you? Why do you insist on being such a jerk!? I don't get you, always calling me names and attacking the fact that I'm half-demon while you're a full fledged wolf demon.

"Drop dead Kouga!!", I reply to you nastily. And I wish it. I wish you would just die and leave me alone. If you left then maybe I could go back to Kagome or Kikyo. If you left I wouldn't be in this pain.

And yet if that's true, then why does my heart hurt so much when I tell you to die? Why do I feel almost sorry for these words? Dammit, I can't even answer my own questions and I hate it.

"YOU DROP DEAD!", you respond, in an angry tone of voice. I turn around to face you. You look almost sad wolf-boy. You face shows nothing but anger but your eyes tell another story. They are sad, almost as though you want to cry but are holding yourself back. Cry if you want to, not like I care much either way.

Then you attack me viciously. Of course I don't just sit back and let you kill me. I'd rather become a full fledged human before I'd let that happen. You try to claw my face but your attack is unusually slow and I'm able to quickly avoid it. Then I attack you with my claws, barely skimming your face but still drawing a hint of blood. But you don't even seem to notice, as though you are numb to the pain. And ever so briefly my fingertips lightly touch your cheek, sending a rush of electricity through my body.

As we step away from each other again, as though preparing for the next attack, I take a good long look at you wolf-boy. I take in every detail of your face down to the shine in your eyes. I've made my decision. 

I'll surrender myself to you, and allow you to claim my life. I can't go on living like this, holding this unquenchable desire inside of me that is never returned. I can't live like this, the only way out I can find is death.

I lower my defense and give you ample space to attack, waiting for you to attack me, strike me down, and inevitably kill me. 

"Just get it over with Kouga," I say quietly.

"Speak up dog-boy," you command me.

"I said, get it over with!!", I shout angrily. I can already feel those piercing tears building in my eyes, like a river of sorrow threatening to flood dam of hate and false strength. Slowly, the river proves stronger than the damn, and it floods. The rapid waters devouring everything in it's sight with hunger. You look at me intently, as though sizing me up. 

Slowly, you start to walk toward me and I brace myself for the final blow. I wonder how you will finish me, will you rip out my tongue so that I drown in my own blood? Or perhaps rip out my throat, yeah, that sounds like you. A quick death and quick pain, at least it will all be gone and I'll be able to rest in peace at last. I lower my gaze to the ground, a content smile spread on my lips. It's over, at long last, and you'll never know.......

You'll never know....

(Kouga's POV)

You want me to kill you? Why would you wish that? Last I checked you'd never allow yourself to get killed so why does it sound almost like you're begging me to end it? I cautiously walk over to you and find you in a state I've never seen before.

You're crying. You're honest to God in heaven crying. And even if you were trying to hide it, I could still tell since the scent of tears is lingering around you. You've been crying a while huh mutt? As I come even closer, you smile through your tears. You honestly WANT to die. What's happened to you Inuyasha? You'd never surrender to a little heartache so easily before...so why do you now? And what caused it?

Instead of attacking you like I would have a few, has it been months now? Time seemed to blend into itself after I met you. I loss track of days. They just turned into weeks, and weeks into months. But instead of attacking your pale features and spilling a drop of your precious blood I, actually being gentle, brush a tear from your eye. 

You gasp in surprise and look at me, searching for the reason behind my actions. It will do you no good dog-boy, even I don't really know why I'm doing this. I'm just acting out of instinct right now, doing what comes naturally to me, letting my emotions guide me into the next move.

"Never seen you cry before mutt," I say, trying to avoid putting any emotions into my voice. "Any particular reason for the waterworks?" You look at me first, sadly, then angrily and shove me away glaring.

"You wouldn't understand!", you shout for like the fourth time tonight. "You've never loved someone only to realize it's the person who hates you to no end!!"

Now it's my turn to be surprised. Someone who hates you huh? For a moment, I think you mean me, because you're still under the illusion that I hate you. As I think this, a smile, ever so quickly comes and then vanishes from my face. You must be talking about Kikyo like always. She hates you too, doesn't she? It all becomes clear. 

You will never love me, you're still too stuck on the priestess.

"I understand better than you think," I say, turning away from you, hiding the fact that I'm crushed beyond any possible repair. "Let me guess, you can't stop thinking about them even though you know the only time they think of you is in anger. You desperately want to be beside them but you know it can never happen because their hatred for you is too great for you to penetrate."

I hear you lightly take a step toward me. I wish you would just turn around and go away. Just leave me hear to die.

"Who is it Kouga?", you ask me, catching on to my act. I can hear you creeping closer to me, I want to run away, to get as far away from you as I can and cry my sorrow away until my river of regret runs dry. Then I would kill myself, allowing myself to be thrown into the river and drown or stab myself with my own claws. I just want this life to be over with. "If I find the bastard I'll kill them."

I snap that moment. You're no longer the arrogant bastard that I wanna kill, no longer my enemy, no longer the one whom I fight with over Kagome. You're somebody completely different, someone I just met and yet have known existed the whole time.

"Inuyasha!!", I scream, turning to face you quickly. In a blur of tears and motion I throw myself against you, no longer holding back my tears, and pounding your chest with my fist angrily. "I hate you Inuyasha!! I hate you!! I...hate...you." 

Slowly I break down entirely into mournful sobs, not bothering to remember that I'm supposed to be the tough leader of the wolf demon tribe. For this moment, I'm just Kouga. No reputation to hold up, no tough out look to keep going I was just Kouga. Just another soul that fallen in love with someone they couldn't have. That was all I was as I cried into your red kimono, becoming more and more intoxicated by your scent.

Do you know what you smell like Inuyasha? You smell like the Earth after rain. It's a calming scent that I love to inhale, mingled with the scent of a fire, warm and welcoming after a long day in winter. I love your scent, it's so you. Made of nothing but my Inuyasha.

(Inuyasha's POV)

You're crying into me, like a lost child who misses his mother. Something clicks in my mind, and without even thinking about what I'm doing, my arms wrap around your back and draw you closer. I feel you beginning to fall and I fall with you. For that shining moment, we become one being, moving and breathing as one. 

It feels so good to have you in my arms and I don't want to let you go. I don't ever want to part from you. I want to stay like this forever. Here with you, everything seems different. Life seems worth the pain and loving you feels worth the heartache.

For the first time in days a truly happy smile crosses my face and I begin to cry again. But these tears are different from before. Not the sad, lost puppy tears I'd been crying before but happy tears, tears of joy. And they don't hurt at all. In fact, they feel like they heal. They seem to make me feel better, to heal the wounds that the sad tears left behind.

When finally your crying stops, I still hold you close, doing the closest thing to fulfilling me wish to stay here with you. But you move away from me, only slightly, but it scares me none the less, to feel you trying to leave me. You look up at me, your eyes sad, like a dog that's left out in the rain.

"Inuyasha," you whisper to me quietly. "I..." I put a finger to your lips, making you fall silent. There's no need for words anymore. They couldn't even begin to describe what happened here tonight. My hand moves to caress your cheek as you continue to look at me intently. Then, in one swift moment, I bring my lips to yours gently, and with every ounce of love I stored in my heart, only for you.

Quickly, you respond to me, returning this first kiss between us as though throwing your whole being into it. I embrace you even closer as your weathered hands explore my hair. If this is all just a dream then may God never wake me up, may I forever be trapped in sleep. As long as it means I'm here with you now, that you're actually kissing me back, and that I' holding you here in my arms.

(Normal POV)

As the sun rose the following morning, it's colors of pink and yellow dancing across the sky to their own beat, the sun found it's way through the mountain's treetops and into a clearing. Once the sight of a bloody fight, it was now the spot of the beginning of something truly beautiful.

The sun stretched out its hand to the half-demon an the wolf-demon that lay sleeping in each other's arms. The sun touched their faces, gently caressing their skin with its warm touch. Inuyasha slowly opened his eyes, finding himself lying on the ground, hugging Kouga closely and the wolf-demon rested his head on Inuyasha's shoulder, still dreaming away blissfully.

The whit-haired hanyou smiled at his wolf, as the raven-haired one snuggled even closer to him. Inuyasha lightly kissed Kouga's forehead lovingly. This caused Kouga to stir slightly and finally awaken in Inuyasha's arms. He smiled at the half-demon and brought himself closer to Inuyasha's warmth.

"I love you, wolf-boy," Inuyasha whispered to his koi. Kouga laughed lightly and returned the remark with...

"Back at you, dog-boy," he whispered humorously. Inuyasha hugged Kouga again, before they both eventually dropped back into the dark pit of sleep, forever at rest in each other's arms.

The hate had disappeared, and the love had begun.

__

Dedicated to Usagi Yokai, without whom I wouldn't have gotten the inspiration for this fic. 

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Well it's finally over. I'd like to make it quite clear that nothing "explicit" Happened between Kouga and Inuyasha that night. They basically just fell asleep in each other's arms. I just didn't have the energy to write too long. Thanks again to all my nice reviewers and flamers alike! ^_^


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